Clever Title Goes Here
by skywalker05
Summary: Luke muttered, Is this a life form? What does it want? What will it do to the rest of my laundry?
1. Blue Goo

_A/N: __Being an Officially Licensed Spin-O__ff__ Product__ to __ArgenteusDraco's__ story 'Understanding', an AU in which__ Luke t__alks to dead blue __ghosty__ Anakin after the death of Mara Jade. You don't really have to read that to read this. That is a serious story (and quite good.). __This is not a serious story at all. All the reader really needs to know is that Mara's funeral has just been held, that afterward Luke talked to Anakin and __at some point __Anakin puts his hand on his son's shoulder, and that you should check your sanity at the door. __Flames will be sent to __Mustafar__ where they belong._

_---)----------_

Back at the Yavin temple, Luke only wants to go to bed. He is comforted by the Spartan-Zen atmosphere of his dorm room. He is about to take his black shirt off when he notices residue from where the glowy blue corona around Anakin touched his arm.

Luke's expression can only be described as "?!". He wearily monologues, "What is this? Is it a new sort of life form? Is it toxic? What should I do with it? How should I deal with it? What will it do to the rest of my laundry?"

He pokes the stain.

The goo sticks to his hand. He violently shakes it off.

"What is it going to do to the walls?!"

He attempts to use the Force to lift the goo off of the walls. Due to its mystical properties it rises, levitates in the air shimmering faintly, then splashes to the floor like blue rain, also spattering Luke's head and shoulders with glowy blueness.

R2-D2 emerges from a corner and looks at Luke.

The droid screeches just like he does when being shot at with lasers and skids back into the corner.

Luke's expressions can now best be translated thus:

sigh

shake

sigh.

(Meanwhile, the author is begging Obi-Wan to ignore her obvious fangirlness and let her sneak up on Grievous to steal his feet for wordswithout. The Sithman sits in the common room eating leftover popcorn and occasionally trying out an evil laugh. Tremolo experiments with composing a song to make college students feel sorry for poor band members and give the Musician's Guild money.)

Even after all this, Luke has not figured out a solution to the blue goo issue. He has tried rubbing the goo with tissues, turning the shirt inside out and shaking it, and Force lightning.

The blue goo looks deceptively innocent.

Luke has forgotten about the funeral. He has forgotten that he has to wake up tomorrow to teach a class he insisted he attend. He has forgotten that he is a Dignified Jedi Master With Inner Conflict.

He activates his lightsaber.

One ruined shirt later it appears that the goo has escaped onto the nearby walls and floor. Artoo tries to vacuum it up with one of his gadgets and Luke glares at him. Luke is thinking, _This__ is my __nemisis_.

Sweeping, stomping, spitting, cursing, and kicking do not deter the inclement ectoplasm. Relieved of some of his tension, Luke sits on the floor to begin his next assault. It is one more suited to his abilities. He shuts his eyes and reaches out for the Force. With willpower and some vague hand-wavings he levitates the goo again and forms it into a compact circle.

It does not explode yet. It bobs in the air of its own accord. Luke opens his eyes and suspiciously peers at the substance.

It floats out through the door.

With a yelp of surprise Luke opens the door and follows the goo. It drifts down hallways and stairways. It is dark outside the small windows, but he does not see.

He tries to grab the goo sometimes but it is a slippery cloud of…goo.

The incorporated group of goo leads Luke to the hanger where the starships are kept. The Jedi Knight and pilot Corran Horn is standing underneath his X-Wing, improving it. He especially likes the green racing stripes. The blue goop floats innocently behind Corran Horn before exploding and knocking the diligent Rogue onto his face.

Luke resists laughing.

As Corran yells and looks around with his lightsaber drawn Luke spies a bucket nearby. He grabs it and starts pushing the goo in. It falls through the bucket's sides.

Luke mutters, "It's _selectively_ insubstantial? That explains how Obi-Wan sat down on Dagobah."

Corran roars and attacks the goo with water from a hose, shouting about his precious X-Wing. The goo seems to be deciding what to do with the 'just add water' approach, jittering— And then exploding again. When Luke opens his eyes he tries to shake the goo out of his hair, wondering what the students will say behind his back tomorrow if ghostly goo doubles as hair dye. Corran laughs. Luke uses the Force to hand him a mop.

Luke tries to go back upstairs. Some goo follows him in a surreal, enthusiastic, slightly creepy procession.

Leia finds him half an hour later when she comes to check on him. He is lying as if dead, but is in fact inwardly considering going to the dark side if it would only rid himself of the blue stain. He is still spotty with it, and some has condensed between his eyes. Leia thinks it would be cute if it were not so very weird.

Han would end up doing something like this, but Han would be drunk.


	2. Blue Goo Two

_A/N: Many of the ideas in this chapter came from __ArgenteusDraco__ and her over-enthusiastic flock of plot bunnies._

**A long time ago in a galaxy—**

So powerful was Luke Skywalker's anger that it interrupted the text crawl and demanded it get screen time immediately.

The Jedi Master sat up and walked over to the mirror. He was alert and observant despite not getting that much sleep. It did not take him minutes of staring at his reflection to realize that his hair was blue. That time was occupied by remembering what had happened yesterday and trying to believe it.

He ran a hand through his blue hair and remembered that he had agreed to teach Advanced Contemplative Meditation to some of the academy's students this morning.

Woot.

The first comment, from Jaden Kor as Luke walked down a hallway, was "Is that color a sign of mourning on your home planet?"

He walked into the classroom so forcefully that one could almost hear the Star Wars theme coming in after him. "Aright, apprentices! Sit down. Quite! Meditate! Begin."

Blank stares received him, and then the students sat down in various places on the floor. Luke sat down too . He tried to clear his mind of all thoughts. A blot of blue goo dripped from his hair to his hands folded in his lap.

An alien student chirped and rustled.

A human gave a low laugh.

Lowbacca the Wookiee snorted.

After a quick moment of silence the laughter increased and spread around the room.

Blue goo pooled in Luke's hands.

Luke was a lone island in a sea of laughter.

Defeated by the amused students and the bad metaphor Luke retreated from the room. He had no way to go and see whether the blue glow now spotting his hands meant that it was coming out of his hair. He hoped it was.

He made his way down to the dining hall, dodging the occasional student and wondering when he had acquired so many of them. Luckily, Han Solo was at his frequented table on the outskirts of the dining hall. Luke sat glumly next to him.

"Hey," said Han.

"Hey."

They sat in silence for what seemed like a very long time. In fact it seemed to Luke like a very long time during which a spotlight was shining on his head.

Han broke the silence with a very fake laugh and said, "Remember that time on Kryptonia we crashed a party of senators and found it was actually a conspiracy too—"

"Leia told you not to say anything, didn't she."

"Yeah."

Han gallantly patted Luke's shoulder. "It's fine. I bet weirdness like this happened to the old Jedi Masters all the time." He looked at his hand, which had accumulated a splotch of blue glow. Nonchalantly he tried to shake it off, to no avail. Luke wanted to laugh, and yet completely didn't.

"Ah,well," said Han, a muscle twitching beside his eye. "Back at the battle of Tanaab…" He picked up the cup in front of him and raised his with his goo-flecked hand.

"I don't know if you should—"

But Han Solo was not afraid of anything. He took a drink and tried to continue his reminisces-slash-tactful-changes-of-subject. "These two kids came in saying they could use the Force—"

Han hiccupped and clamped his hands over his mouth with a look of extreme irritation. Luke stood up.

(insert clever symbol to indicate a brief passage of time here)

"Aargh!!" Luke let out an Anakin-worthy scream-whine as he ran up the stone steps to the roof of the temple. He often went to the peak of the temple for meditation or stargazing. "Why me?!"

"Because the chosen one you are, hmm."

Luke saw Yoda's silhouette at the top of the stairs and ran to him. Once in the sun the pressing question of how a blue ghost became a silhouette was superseded by the more universal, "What??"

"Not really. Just wanted your attention did I."

Luke shook hi s hair at Yoda. Most of the goo came out onto his hands and shoulders. "Here! Take this."

"No, not mine is it."

"What _is _it?"

"Anakin's it is."

"…"

"Turn red as well as blue you should not. A solution there is."

"Really?"

"Wait until Anakin comes and talks to you again, hehehe! About a month it will take if read the other fic correctly I have. Meanwhile, clear should you stay of easily amused students, paparazzi, and people with Photoshop."

"…"

"Luminous beings we are, not this blue matter!" Yoda chortled and disappeared.

Luke kicked a nonexistent rock on the ground in his frustration. He had had enough of trouble! Already they were establishing him as a darkish Jedi Master with inner conflict, but now this—if it was now part of his appearance it defiantly counted as Outer Conflict.

Not the type you could threaten with a lightsaber, either. Luke sat down in a huff and, because he did not want to think, reviewed the thoughts he had thought previously. _Already they were establishing…__they_ Because he did not know the guilty name of Lucasfilm, his new wrath was focused on the Narrator.

"Stop this, narrator! You've given people ideas about Photoshop that I _will not stand for!_"

To his great surprise, a female voice answered him. "But it's all in the name of comic relief. Would you rather be enduring angsty emotions about your father?"

"Yes."

"Well you only have to do this for one month."

"One—"

"It's ok! Really. You've got supernatural and metafictional voices talking to you. You might be insane, but in fact you're a Jedi. Things like this teach you to have a level head in the face of weirdness. Put the goo in a jar and it'll be fine. Follow Yoda's instructions. Go rescue Han, he's probably hiccupping blue bubbles by now."

"Exactly what moral or metaphysical authority do you have?" Luke said in exasperation.

She seemed to think about it. Mutters as if she were conversing with someone else came out of thin air. "Erm. I have some sushi…"


	3. Blue Goo Three

**Chapter III: Fangirls, the Solo kids, and Math**

Anakin Solo knew that rummaging about in Uncle Luke's room was not an acceptable pastime. However, he was allowed to be in there – Luke had simply left him alone after they'd watched holos together. Then Anakin had found the box that moved when he looked at it.

Just _looked_ at it. That and pure curiosity said that there couldn't be that much harm in seeing what was _in_ the box.

He peeked in at the sphere of blue goo.

_**--------------**_

Luke Skywalker had had a premonition preceding the worst event of his young life, the revelation that Darth Vader was his father. So when he had a quick premonition about Anakin Solo, he ran for his room preparing for the worst. He had thought the kid had been asleep –

It was worse than the worst.

"Is this," Anakin asked as he juggled spheres of cerulean ectoplasm, "how your hair got blue?"

Luke thought, "…!"

"Hmm?" said Anakin.

"Yeah." Luke scooped the goo out of Anakin's hands. It stayed with him in a distinct or maybe imagined shape. "Please don't bother this, Anakin. It's bad."

The little boy looked up with the patented big-eyed kid look that always confused Luke. "Okay. I'm gonna go see Jaina and Jacen, okay?"

"Go ahead."

Luke moved aside as the boy ran past him toward the end of the hall where Jaina and Jacen were playing in an alcove, watched over by C-3PO.

Anakin happily rolled his purloined spheres of goo between his fingers and his pocket.

Luke set the confiscated goo back in the box. "Just one more day…one more day. Then I can give it back to my father!

"He's only ever given me trouble, hasn't he?

"Is this some sort of payment for my chopping his hand off…?"

With these comforting thoughts Luke sealed the box with adhesive he found on a nearby shelf next to a model X-Wing.

Then he lifted the box, and shook it. It felt lighter than before. Or did it? The stuff could be selectively massive.

He knew he had been worrying about it too much. He returned the box to its shelf and sat down on the bed.

_**--------------**_

Anakin opened his hands. His older siblings peered at the goo.

Jaina asked, "What is it?"

"You sound like you're saying 'Yuck.'"

"I said 'What is it?'"

"You thought 'Yuck' first."

"Yuck," Jacen said. "Is it alive?"

Anakin thought about it. "I don't know…"

"Let's poke it," Jacen said, "and find out."

Anakin backed away. "How will that let us know if it's alive or not?"

"If it pokes back."

"Good point."

Anakin poked the goo.

Part of it sloshed onto his arm; the other part poked Jacen. He grabbed a handful of it and peered at it closely and seriously.

Meanwhile Anakin was trying to get it off of his arm. He shook the offending appendage.

Goo splattered Jaina.

She did not say "yuck" again. She laughed as goo fell like rain over her. She squinted and concentrated it into a ball with the Force. It wiggled.

Jacen asked, "Is it Force-sensitive?"

"It's Force-ticklish," said Jaina.

"It's tickling me, too," Anakin said, in between giggles. "Can you get it to stop?"

Jaina concentrated, and soon each of the three children had a little ball of goo.

"What now?" Jacen asked.

At this moment, the essential thing to realize is that these are no ordinary children. Their parents spent most of their adult lives in fights for said lives, against myriad opponents of varying quality. These children are genetically predisposed toward adventure and a potentially hazardous curiosity. Not to mention the fact that Lucasfilm and Yours Truly are dead-set on putting them in said hazardous and exciting situations so as to, in the case of the former (and if it were allowed, the latter) make money.

Another essential thing to remember is that children of the Old Jedi Order were discouraged in terms of having possessions. They were not inclined toward teddy bears, plastic pianos, or pets.

Because with the Force comes a curiosity even more powerful than that dictated by genetics.

So when the spheres of azure ectoplasm, corralled into said spheres by Jaina Solo, rolled out of the kids' hands and down the hallway, they had no choice but to follow them. (Note: First it was cerulean ectoplasm, then azure. Apparently when you split it up it becomes a darker shade of blue.)

The triplets of goo rolled determinedly down the halls of the Jedi Temple and led the Solos on a convoluted chase about the third floor. They passed a dozing Chandra-Fan, a girl with a definite sneakiness to her who was carrying a box of sushi and some cookies (or perhaps Wookiee-ookiees) and another, even sneakier, carrying a watering can and occasionally consulting her iBook so as to find the defining characteristics of the Temple she was in.

Eventually, the goo rolled to the feet of a Givin Master, the math instructor.

The Solos looked up at him in fright.

"Hmm," said the Givin. "An imperfect sphere."

The Solos radiated confusion.

"Come here," said the Givin, who took any opportunity to do what it thought was instructive and what most students thought was torturous. It scooped up the goo. The Solos tentatively followed him into his classroom.

He held the sphere up. "It's circumference is 2 pi, it's volume is four-third pi times the radius cubed--"

Before its singsongy voice could continue the kids — and the goo — fled in terror from the math.

_**--------------**_

The fangirls continued sneaking about. At on point they found themselves face-to-face. "Where's Obi-Wan?" asked the one with the watering can.

"We're not looking for Obi-Wan," said the other, she who happened to sound just like the narrator, in some confusion.

"We're not? Who're you looking for?"

The one with the sushi and the afore-hidden blaster grinned.

_**--------------**_

The Solos and the goo fled obliviously past the fangirls, and ran down the hallway — directly into Han Solo and Leia Organa Solo.

Leia recoiled with a small shriek. Han picked Anakin up; the goo collected in a squishy, semitransparent pool around his feet. "What are you do— oh, Sithspit. You didn't eat any did you?"

"Why would we _eat_ any of it?" asked Jacen,

"I bet it wouldn't taste good," said Jaina.

Anakin hiccupped blue bubbles into Han's face.

Han's expressions went roughly thus!

…

"Stang!shift1"

Leia smacked Han's shoulder. "Don't say things like that around the kids!"

"Sorry…" the Corellian muttered.

"What are we not supposed to say around the kids?" Luke appeared, looking slightly haggard, from around a corner.

"S—"

Leia smote her husband again.

"Ow! I was just going to spell it anyway. S…T…A…A…?"

Anakin interrupted. "I know how to spell!"

"That's nice—" said Luke, then started as he saw the blue goo and the bubbles. He growled, forgoing any curse words at all.

Anakin was rather frightened. However, any seriousness of the situation was interrupted by a curly-haired girl appearing, looking over Jacen's shoulder. "Ooh! Shiny bubbles!"

Another girl came up behind her, and pointedly whispered, "You can't be so distracted! We're on a mission! You—" Then her eyes met Luke's. _Distracting_, she thought.

"Huh?" said Luke. "You're not students here!"

"Of course not!" said the first girl, raising her watering can in emphasis. "We're just looking for—"

"Shh!" said Distracted Girl. "No worries, we're just…"

The Jedi Master recognized her voice just as she, in her nervous shifting, revealed the blaster held behind her back.

"What's _that _for?" He exclaimed. He couldn't imagine the two actually being dangerous, and the other one was carrying a watering can.

"It's… for Mara?" She said hesitantly, smiling.

"It's you again!" He almost shouted at the fangirly narrator. "Get out of the story!"

Her partner in crime pulled her away. "You won't find her in this AU anyway," she muttered.

_**--------------**_

The children, and the goo, were safely returned to Luke. After one of those nifty subtitles which says "About a day later", Luke stood on the shores of a lake and waited for his father to appear.

Blue ghosty Anakin was slightly late, or so it felt for the Jedi Master who was returning the greatest source of stress in his current life to the netherworld where it belonged.

The goo was floating next to him, bobbing up and down in what Luke hoped was enthusiasm at returning to Anakin, and not some plot to leave a lasting impression of itself on his once-again-black clothes. He glared at it suspiciously.

"I suppose you think you've been funny these last few weeks, don't you?"

The goo did not answer, although, truth be told, with everything else that had happened Luke wouldn't have been too surprised if it did.

"I think I'm going to have a party when you go. Celebrate the fact that I don't have to deal with you anymore. This has not been one of my more pleasant relationships, and that's saying a lot."

"I'll just leave if you want me to. I thought you preferred the angsty emotions," said Anakin, appearing out of the…blue.

"Where did you hear that?"

"I don't know. Some girl running around with a strange concoction of fish and rice."

"Oh, _her_. Anyway. I think this is yours."

"What is?"

Luke indicated the sphere of floating goo. Anakin blinked.

"Umm… Luke, what is that?"

Luke's answer was to throw the goo unerringly at his father. It hummed happily as it flew and landed on Anakin's shoulder. _It looks smaller already_, thought Luke, dredging up the last of the untainted optimism from his Whining Days.

"It's yours."

Anakin peered at it. "It is?"

"Look, " said Luke sarcastically. "It likes you."

Indeed the goo had diffused into the rest of the blueish glow surrounding the dead Chosen One. Anakin spun around slowly, looking over his shoulder for what Luke was talking about.

Luke sighed with relief.

_**--------------**_

"See," said Fangirl With Sushi. "This is the Yavin IV temple."

"Oh," said Fangirl With Watering Can disappointedly. "How do I get to the old temple?"

"Plot hole."

_**--------------**_

And they all lived happily ever after making money for Lucasfilm.


End file.
